If I had to pin down when I accepted my disability, I couldn’t say, because it took me a long time to realize what was happening to me and to force myself out of denial once I did. There were usually comparisons or excuses like: I’d only passed out/blacked out X number of times in X amount of time. Or I’d only fallen down the stairs X number of times in X amount of time. I’d tell myself at least I could still walk, until sometimes I couldn’t.
I finally had to ask myself what I was so afraid of and what it was I was avoiding. I was already in this state. Nothing was changing for the better. It was all mounding up and I was becoming depressed. If I didn’t accept it, I was going to remain stagnant and go nowhere while waiting for something to happen.
Wait…who am I to wait around?! I have a life! It’s right here!!
As a person with control issues, this was extremely hard for me to let go and accept so much help from people, but it’s what I had to do in order to accept things and move forward. It’s still hard to do so little when I want to do so much. Sometimes, the simplest things seem to be the things I need help with and that can be annoying but at the same time I am so thankful that I have people in my life who are willing and able to help me.
It might seem like a strange thing to be thankful for, but this acceptance has been incredibly freeing and continues to become more so as I am more able to find comfort with my new self.